Finally, 50 Cent has become relevant again after contracting the ebola virus on a trip to west Africa in order to promote the highly disgusting Street King energy drink after the company decided that only people in a third world living situation would deem the drink as acceptable.
This makes the rapper 50 Cent the fourth American diagnosed with the horrible sickness. “Finally, people are talking about me again,” said 50 Cent from inside his plastic bubble. “Eminem and Dr. Dre have both already given me a call regarding some new shit to work on, considering I actually survive.”
Apparently, the rapper had touched a local tribe’s shaman’s “magic stick” which had been covered with the guano of a native bat aptly named the ebolachiroptera or “ebola bat.” Many medical experts expect that this is where the celebrity, rapper, and B-Movie star contracted the virus.
“I knew what ebola was, but I thought the term ‘ebolabat’ just meant, you know, like it a thing they called it. There’s vampire bats, but they don’t suck blood from people, know what I’m saying. No matter. This is the best thing that could have happened to me. 50 Cent is back” said the rapper before passing in a sheet stained with blood, vomit, and diarrhea.
Everyone keep 50 Cent in your prayers as this story develops… #prayfor50
